I do love him so. Well, in a way.
Let me introduce myself, I am Lucy Cunningham, lifestyle Domme, writer and lesbian...sort of. The truth is that I have “sex” with women and play BDSM games with boys. Pansexual, you might call it. To me the BDSM games are highly sexual, certainly in the mental sphere, so in that sense I am bi, but it seems the world at large does not consider BDSM to be sex. Whatever.
Let me tell you about my friend Benny. Benny is straight, but in fact lost interest in straight sex long ago. He expresses himself as a masochist who revels in having beautiful women hurt him. He is not a submissive per se, but he does submit to me – completely, and without reservation. His obeisance to me is all-encompassing; he will do absolutely anything for me. His gift of subservience is truly special to me. I do not avail myself of his services often, but it gratifies me to know they are always available. You see, I am a sadist. I need people like Benny to feed my fire. My job is to take him and his ilk on a guided tour. A tour of their pain, their limits and their suffering. Benny is such a dear. Truly the only thing he has ever asked for is to suffer for me. Such a good pet.
And, well, Benny is not my only guy friend; in fact he is not even my favorite. My favorite is Xavier. Ah, just a young lad: when I was his current age, he was just a tot of eight years. When I first met him he seemed a just bit sappy, replete with a moist, limp handshake and a halting, painfully shy way of being. Well, underneath this almost pathetic patina is a rapier-like wit and wisdom beyond his years. Indeed I am a specialist in looking beyond the envelopes of people and truly understanding and appreciating their true essence, like looking through the ice of a clear blue frozen
But maybe that’s where Benny comes in. He’s older than me and has had two marriages of his own, with mega-alimony and all the other accompanying issues. He also fashions himself as a writer. Not at my lofty level, mind you, but his chatty style does amuse me. My goal for this year is to wean him from his childish addiction to points of suspension. Jesus, that annoys me! He thinks it helps him replicate the rhythm and pacing of actual conversations, but to me it shows the inherent limitation of his prose. And, well, he’s not exactly George Cluny, though as I always tell my friends, I have my preferences and I have my priorities. Benny’s ability to perform many technical feats somewhat offsets his limited envelope. Meanwhile, I am deeply attracted to Xavier’s slim waist, full head of hair and pale skin. A contrast between these two sluts, indeed.
Anyway, is my plate ever full these days. Training Xavier full time is a job all to itself, but Benny has applied to be my chastity slave and I accepted. Sometimes I wonder if that was the right decision, because I know once we have all the Indians lined up, this is going to take some of my precious time, but Benny really does amuse me and the thought of exploring this with him just sounded too delicious. One practical problem, which I have still not worked out, is how Xavier and Benny will interact with one another. The only way I can do justice to Benny’s training is to occasionally work them together. Benny has told me that training with other men is not an issue; he has had his ball sack tied to the ball sack of another slave, for example. For Benny, it is all about the focus on me – as long as I mentally control him, the physicality can go in a number of directions. Xavier, meanwhile, is not exactly brimming with confidence (something I am working on) and Benny can really be a pain in the ass, which frightens Xavier. One of the features I liked about Benny, aside from his total devotion to me, was his seeming lack of neediness. But recently there was an episode at a club that disturbed me. I went with the two boys and was proud of both of them – they really behaved well. But since I had spent some time early in the evening playing with Benny, I felt I had to give Xavier my undivided attention toward the end of the night. This meant ignoring Benny for the last 2 hours. Well, I didn’t exactly ignore him…I had him watch my bag for most of that time. I really wasn’t thinking straight: if I had forced Benny to his knees, tethered him in place, and congratulated him with a pat on the head (and maybe allowing a kiss on the toes) he would have been the happiest man in the room. But I was so focused on Xavier’s needs, and frankly my own desires at that moment, that I kind of spaced on Benny. Besides, the room was filled with his friends (though he told me later all of the ones he really likes had left early) so I never gave it a second thought until the rat-bastard skulked out like a confused dog, without saying goodbye. He was apologetic enough the day after, and *yawn* he seems to want to discuss it with me now, but it really fucking irritated me. And now that I really reflect on it, there was a general nervousness that pervaded the entire evening that really gives me pause.
Still, all this got me to thinking. I’m the kind of woman who is always looking to turn negatives into positives, especially when the negatives are the weaknesses of my boys. Benny confided to me a while ago that his devotion to me is now so strong that he will be willing to do anything (his emphasis) for me. Hmmm. I asked about his limits and his safeword. He surprised me by saying that at the end of the day his only hard limits are FT and submitting to male Doms. Well, that and drinking while lying down, which could cause him to choke to death because of his apnea, but that’s a health issue. All his other limits, says he, are soft and can be broken down given the right methodology. As long as the exercise is designed to please me, and he is allowed to focus mentally on me while it is happening, then he is down with it. Benny’s not a “microwave” kind of guy, he needs to be maneuvered into the right position over time, in an atmosphere of love and confidence. He’s constantly referencing bullshit like “ the right vibe” which sounds so annoyingly new-agey to me, but in truth, I do know what he means. The interesting thing about these two subjects is that Xavier is a sissy slut and poseur, whereas Benny is a pain and service slut. Wow, I thought, these two subjects really do compliment each other…you know, ying and yang, and all that horseshit.
So my project for the summer and fall is to see where I can take these sluts. Both give fabulous dildo blow jobs and Xavier especially can take it up the ass like a champ. Benny, as usual, has his own issues. The initial penetration is difficult, but once achieved, he can be fucked like a $50 hooker. Benny told me a long time ago that torturing other men in a non-sexual atmosphere was one of his fantasies, but that sort of thing is not what I want for Xavier. Still, the potential of bringing these two to another plane is too delicious to not think about…
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